Het bericht Ben jij een empath/ een empaat? verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

Het bericht Een geweldig systeem voor de kritische vrouw in jou! verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

Het bericht About a clean slate verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

“This is your bed and this your locker” Mano, the receptionist of this little paradise called ‘Mui Ne Hills’, says with her cute Belgian accent. A fit looking young man enters the dorm behind her. He says ‘Hi’ to me and from his accent I can immediately tell he’s Dutch. Another guy follows with a distinct American accent, except he’s Canadian. Should’ve known! All travelers here are Canadian. Unless they say the word ‘About’, I still can’t tell the difference. Ah well! The Irish guy, with the most infectious grin, I met earlier joins the conversation and we all immediately hit it off. “ You guys wanna go for a beer?” I ask. It’s almost 5 o’clock- definitely beer o’clock in ‘Paradise’ : )

We head up to the pool and start playing cards. Another hilarious Dutch guy joins, and the party has officially started. From that moment onward we were inseparable. We spent every minute of every day together and I couldn’t get myself to break free ’cause I wanted to be around these people all the time. The next day another Dutch guy, looking like a Tom Cruise from his early ‘Cocktail’ days, joined. I have now adopted his laugh and might not be able to shed it for days to come. Thanx Robbi!  

More people joined our group and it was just madness. We drank, we partied, we came home covered in sand from skinny dipping at times when other travellers had already gotten up to go sightseeing, we woke up early ‘cause the sun was shining and we wanted the yummy breakfast, which included ‘Brie!’. We were all very excited about ‘The Brie’.

Every day we would separately go downstairs to the reception and book the bed for another night. “This is the last day, I promise! Tomorrow I’m really leaving” I proclaimed.  Cheekily the receptionist looks at me. “ Aaaah, that’s what you say every day” she teases. She’s not wrong, it’s been like this 6 days in a row and the other guys have been doing the same thing. We both laugh and she helps me change my bus ticket that I had already booked to Ho Chi Minh for that day.  

This went on for a while, until I felt like I was no longer enjoying it so much and desperately needed Mo-time and get back to my healthy lifestyle. Not once during my days in ‘Paradise’ did I get inspired to write a story. Of course not, your brain cells died from all the beer, rum & coke and lack of sleep. My camera remained untouched in the locker and the Ukelele stayed hidden underneath the bed feeling neglected. Yoga & meditation were stripped from my routine and I hadn’t written in my gratitude booklet since day 1 in ‘Paradise’.  Needless to say, I was ready to move on. But then…….

I was in the process of checking out when I received the text saying I was one of the selected people allowed to have free kitesurfing lessons worth 400 dollars. Whutt??? Free kitesurfing lessons??  Yes, that’s right! I couldn’t believe my luck! How can I pass that up??? My exhausted body was not ready for anything active, but I’ve been wanting to learn kitesurfing ever since I got acquainted with the sport at Zanzibar seven years ago. Every time the opportunity arose since then, the wind had not cooperated. This was definitely a once in a lifetime chance, which I could and would not pass up. Yet I still felt a contradiction ‘cause the need for alone time was growing stronger and stronger.

That night I met two Canadians preparing their own salad with so many fresh veggies. I was in awe. The girl (only nineteen years old) told me she wakes up every morning at 5:30. She can’t help it. Her body just wakes up. Granted she goes to bed between 8 and 9 so yeah, makes sense that she’s well rested after more than 8 hours of sleep, but still…. “I wake up and go out on the balcony to stretch and meditate”. We had a long conversation and they shared a lot of things they do or don’t do. For instance, they  distance themselves from other people not to get tempted to drink alcohol.

Hearing her and her boyfriend talk about their lifestyle while traveling inspired me. I am like them. Not as extreme but I did all those things before I started actually moving around. So now I am excited to find out how I can balance the party-Mo with the healthy-zen Mo. I am positive a lot more travellers exist out there that want to discover the balance, which is hard. Believe me! When you have no kitchen of your own and don’t want to carry salad bowls and your own knives with you all the time, when you are constantly surrounded by people and have no privacy what so ever.

Even though I’m not sure how to do this yet, I am determined to find out. It’s a matter of trial and error. I’ve lived through the error part- which I needed. Had I not failed myself, I wouldn’t have seen this opportunity. Just as the picture suggests, I turned away from myself but am looking at flowing beauty. Continuous movement. A new beginning has resurfaced and I’m happy about the room for so much more growth this experience created. Next up is more trial….The island of ‘Koh Chang’ being my ‘Everest’….Wish me luck!    

Het bericht About failing verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

My sister is two and a half years older than I am. So when I was fourteen, she was old enough to drive a motorbike. The magnificent ‘Puch’. God was I envious of her. It looked like so much fun and I love things with an engine. This is something, which I guess, got injected into my blood at birth, as I come from a family that has been in the car industry for generations.  When I was a kid, my dad used to take me out on the back of his bike. Before take off he would tell me which signal to use if  I wanted him to slow down. Of course, all I did was signal him to go faster. “Sweetie, I know you wanted me to speed up, but that was the fastest I could go” he would say laughing out loud. I couldn’t help it, I just loved the speed and I trusted my dad. Anyway, back to my sister’s ‘Puch’…..

Whenever, my family would leave the house, I would sneak into the garage, hop on the motorbike and drive it for a while. Not too long though, ‘cause I didn’t want to get caught and I knew they would put an end to all the fun if they found out. Finally, two years later, the day arrived. My sixteenth birthday! I ‘officially’ got to ride the bike. I still remember the look on my mother’s face being so happy for me that I finally got to ride it, as she knew how much I wanted to. Little did she know…

I went along with it, not giving away my secret, and happily drove out the driveway. On my way back I was going pretty fast and in the last turn I noticed some gravel on the road. Instinctively, I stepped on the brake. Bad, bad instinct. In the middle of the turn, on gravel?? What are you stupid? Yes! I guess I was quite stupid. The back tire slipped and two seconds later the bike was on top of me and my knee was cut open.

In hindsight I, of course, should’ve hopped back on and driven it back pretending nothing had happened, but I didn’t. Shaking like a scared little girl I picked the bike up and decided to walk the last ten meters. After that, I was no longer allowed to drive it until I got my license. That never happened..! Besides my sister was by then at the age where she was allowed to drive a car and naturally, my interest had shifted from the motorbike to the car. Ah the beautiful mind of a teenager!

Eleven years later I tried to ride a scooter once more and failed miserably. For some reason, I couldn’t even make it turn around. So I gave up and let my then boyfriend drive it again. I no longer felt the need to learn. But then Vietnam happened!

Being in Hanoi and seeing how much freedom riding a bike gives you, I decided I had to try again and just get over it. I know I can do whatever I want if only I set my mind to it. Besides I knew I was capable at the age of 14, so why on earth would I not be able to now? No reason, that’s why!

I swallow loudly and take another last deep breath. I hop on the bike after having had a fear for over twenty years. You’re in Mai Chau. There don’t seem to be too many people on the road here. What’s the worst that can happen?!  We went away for the weekend and I was with people that I trust. Some guys in that bunch even know how to ride an actual motorbike, so I felt that that was the right moment to try again. And it was!!

I instantly overcame my fear and had loads of fun, driving up and down little hills with gravel!! I’m so glad that I did it right then and there with those people, ‘cause little did I know I would be driving on my own in the mountains, not even a week later.  Four days of driving a motorbike by my lonesome, having to switch gears and basically just being a badass…

I guess it’s true what they say. “We’re never too old to learn.” We’re definitely not too old to overcome our fears. Just believe in yourself, take a deep breath and go for it!

Het bericht About overcoming fears  verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

In real life, out here in the jungle of Khao Lak, it’s actually several cicadas breaking out into song all together. My heart is beating in my chest, as if it’s ready to pop out. It must be going faster than 180 beats per minute. Definitely not dead! I’m a bit out of breath, yes. But I feel very alive! Sweat is slowly trickling down the back of my knees as I steadily climb up higher. Cool air rises up from the stream next to me flowing down at such a speed, that I can hear it clearly. Really tall high trees are providing me with some shade, as the sun peeks through a few leaves here and there.

Wow, we’re going up. It’s getting a bit steeper here on the path. Take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. I push myself forward. Just a little bit further and then you’ll get to sprinkle the cool water of the waterfall on your face. Boy am I glad that I’m wearing this hat that I got from Kristie, who got it from German/Norwegian Erassmus. They said it looks good on me. I don’t agree, but I’m glad it covers my head. The other day when Julian and I were snorkeling and driving around on the motorbike all day, I slightly burned the top of my head. So even though, it’s making me sweat like a mofo, I’m glad that I have this hat. My thoughts are disrupted by the increasing intensity of the sound of the stream to my right.

Curious, I follow the music being played by the cascading water. After a few minutes and a slight descend, I find this beautiful little area with a tiny waterfall and a small aquamarine colored pool in front. No one had been on the path. Neither in front of me, nor behind me. I’m here all alone. A sigh of happiness escapes my mouth. It makes me feel so free, to just be here by myself.

The pretty shiny stones enclosing the natural pool remind me of Valle Verzasca, Switzerland. My parents used to take us there when we were kids and we would have a blast, jumping from rock to rock. Some of these stones look like precious marble. I’m making it a game not to touch them and jump over to the long and stretchy ones. They feel warm underneath my bare feet.

‘Hi-hoe-ha-ha’ lifting up one foot after the other, I quickly hop over to the water, trying not to burn my feet. I let out a little shriek as I plunge into the very cold water. Refreshing!! The current is quite strong and it’s difficult to swim to the falling water. I decide to give it a rest and lay back, enjoying the sensation of the sun warming up my face. The contrast to the cool water feels delicious.

‘WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!’ My ear-splitting scream is so loud, it’s a wonder nobody comes running up the hill to rescue me. Something just pinched me in my lower back, right above the bikini line. It felt like a crab’s scissor. A quick little pinch. Had anybody been watching, they would’ve thought my ass was on fire. That’s how fast I got out of the water. I glance back to see what it was. Whatever it was, it’s long gone. Probably chuckling in his sharp little scissor hand.  Happy he chased the tourist, invading his home, away.

With my heart still pounding in my chest, I grab my clothes and rush up to the main road. I continue to walk around in my bikini. Fuck it! It’s incredibly hot. Hoping nobody is taking ofense. I look around. Oh wait…that’s right! There’s nobody here : )

Nature’s metaphor for life

The hills to the big waterfall go up and down. The flow of it all reminds me of life, which is a continuous cycle of positives and negatives too. It’s the impermanence that I find so fascinating and reassuring in this moment. For me, going up a steady incline is not fun. But I’m totally fine, as I know that eventually it’ll be easier. There is going to be a point where the road will offer less resistance and go downhill. It’s the way nature works. Isaac Newton explains it very clearly ‘What goes up must come down.’

I love nature’s metaphor for life!!

Just as in life. You know whenever things are rough, inevitably it’s going to be better. Like yin & yang. Once you reach the curve at the bottom, there’s no other way to go but up. Things get brighter and then just as easily, it gets dark again, followed by light….and so on. It’s like the dance of the sun and the moon. They revolve around each other and the cycle repeats itself over and over again in a continuous flow.

A bit further down the road I’m finally descending. Suddenly, I’m very aware of this metaphor that the road represents, and it’s making me look at it differently. The decline is so steep that I inescapably almost run down the hill. I realize I don’t want to run. But I can’t help it. I think to myself. The road is making me run. Such a quick and easy lie! That’s what our brains are trained to do. We tell ourselves things that take away our responsibility, ‘cause it’s so much easier to blame the road. Fortunately, that realization follows quickly too and I decide to take control.

It’s true, the road is nudging me to run. Just like life’s fast pace. One can continue going through life unaware. Following others like a sheep in a herd. It’s not hard. Realize though, that before you know it the road takes you – instead of you taking the road. The trick is to pace yourself – as soon as you do that, you start seeing the various rocks and it becomes like a little game. YOU decide where to place your foot, or which rock to use next and that’s how you choose your path –Very deliberate and very conscious…mindful steps.

Het bericht About mindful steps verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

I love reading back things I wrote. They give me new insights time and time again and they actually make me feel proud. I read them and the words resonate. Of course they do, you wrote them. It’s more than that though…

They feel new to me and it’s as if someone else is talking to me and sharing their wisdom and then there’s that moment where I realize Whoa, it’s me, I’m that person! And it makes me feel worthy. What an amazing feeling to be able to not need any outside confirmation, just you, yourself and you!  

Reading poems or stories back also makes me notice that when I’m a bit further removed from my true self, I tend to sink back into this place where I make myself smaller than I am. It feels as though other people can do things and I don’t see that I can too (by being who I am). When I’m stuck in that mindset I look up at others rather than seeing them for who they are. Just another person doing what they do. So reading something I wrote myself and looking at it with a clear mind makes me once again realize I can do anything, ANYTHING I want to and set my mind to. It’s so liberating!

I truly believe that anybody in this world can feel this free. If you can stay with doing what you love and focus on the love for people, things, actions, feelings…..you automatically eliminate the fear. Fear kills all creativity and keeps a person confined.

The reason why I am here right now is because I want to learn. I want to teach. I want to share and I want to connect. To myself and others. This means I frequently have to step out of my comfort zone. Once I take the action and do it, I overcome certain fears and boundaries that I have created for myself (consciously and subconsciously) and in turn I feel the sense of freedom that I want to experience. It’s a very powerful tool and for me it’s one of the keys to happiness.

Sharing is another great tool. Doing so with my words that are often quite personal is scary at times, but like I said stepping out of my comfort zone is bliss. Try it, I dare you : ) 

This is the poem that inspired me to write this post. Love yourself <3

Het bericht About feeling worthy verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

Rays of sun touch my face through the trees. Life is good! I think to myself smiling, as I feel the warm breeze stroking my hair. As soon as I exit the main road, I decide to semi stand on the paddles. It’s easier to bike this way, now that the road has changed from steady asphalt to a sandy lane with loose rocks and holes everywhere.

The chains of my rental bike are rusty, giving me quite the exercise. Especially in this heat.  It keeps me on edge, ‘cause I never know what to expect. One minute I’m paddling like a maniac, and almost pulling to a halt the next. People probably think I’m a crazy person the way I laugh every time the bike spins.

Excitement rushes through my body while I head to this place called ‘Randy’s Book Xchange.’
Last night I kept on reading until I finished my book. I swapped it at a hostel in Halong. Today I’m hoping to exchange it for a different one.
Call me old fashioned, but I still prefer actual paperbacks. Even though, electronic books are way lighter and more convenient.
“You have reached your destination” the female voice from Google maps informs me, pulling me back to the present. Good, good!

There’s a sign attached to the fence outside, confirming I’m right where I want to be.  The place looks a bit deserted. A small path with overgrown greens leads up to a wooden deck. Hesitantly, I turn the knob of the large door and step inside. A bell rings. It’s one of those old bells on a thread that pulls back following the movement of the door. Love it already! I stand still for a moment to let my eyes adjust to the dimly lit room. “Hello?”
I question if anybody’s there.
“I’ll be right with you.” A man’s voice goes.  “Go ahead and look around.” he continues.
I shrug. Cool.  

Randy has a lot of books. “I don’t even know how many I have” he tells me later on. I roam around downstairs and spot many Swedish, German, French and Dutch books. God do I love this atmosphere. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by the wondrous world of everything books related. The smell and feel of the old ones. When I’m around them I totally drift off and get lost in the era of when they were written. I imagine myself there and it’s beautiful.

“The books that you’re looking for are upstairs.” A six-foot-tall man with a short trimmed grey beard appears from what seems to be the living room. He casually leans his arm on the wooden beam. I give him a faint smile. He’s referring to my accent and, like most people, seems to think I’m American. “You must be Randy!” I walk towards him and compliment him on his store. His eyes light up. Randy tells me that he doesn’t keep track of his books, when I ask him how many he has. “But I know each and every one that is in this store. It’s my passion.”

We head upstairs and it doesn’t take long before I find several of my favorite authors. I feel that excitement again and foresee a wonderful dilemma. So many choices. A few seconds later the short lived high turns into a slight disappointment. The exchange in the name of the store is not really what it promises. “I’ll buy your book and you can use that amount as store credit.” Of course, these two amounts are relatively far apart from one another, which doesn’t make it worthwhile for me. I let the disillusion sink in and decide to enjoy my surroundings regardless. It’ll be fun scouting for a different place to exchange my book. I tell myself.

Randy loves to talk and quickly distracts me from my thoughts.  “Exactly 12 years ago today, I bought this building.” He shares. “I’m 70 years old now. I have a literary club, I write scenes and have been editing books.” “I wrote for Pathfinder.” He continues. “I got asked to review hotels and what not.” “Right now I’m writing scenes about my drug days. I’ve been through a lot. Back then I was living in Bali. It was crazy.” He caries on. He explains how either him, or a friend of his almost got caught and how they all had each other’s backs in the drug scene. The flood of words keeps coming. I’m taking it all with a grain of salt and listen to him amused.

“I was asked to write for a magazine, but I don’t want those deadlines anymore. I’m retired. I want to do things I like. I’m too old to do things because I have to.” He scoffs. “These people were surprised that I didn’t want to write for them.” They had written him a rude e-mail back in reply to his decline; ‘He should count himself lucky that he gets to write for them.’ Randy’s feelings on the matter are clear. “But I don’t care” he rants on “All I want to do is enjoy my retirement and do what I love.”

He points at the stairs and tells me the story of the lady who painted them. “She used to be a lawyer” he explains. “But she wanted to travel. So she quit her job and met a very rich guy. They got married and now they are traveling the world together.” A bit self-conscious Randy admits that he resents her somewhat.  “I hate her for being so good at everything. She picks up a guitar and she’s amazing at it.”  He stares into the distance, and doesn’t really seem to be talking to me anymore. “I wish I could too”. I look him in the eye to see if he’s listening. “You could be, if you wanted to!” He waves his hand dismissively “Nah, I’m too lazy.”  “Well, then there you go. It’s your choice.”

I truly believe that. If you really want something, you’ll do it.  If you don’t really want it, that’s fine too. Nobody is forcing you. Be honest with yourself first. Admit that you don’t really want it for yourself, but that the need to do it could possibly come from an attempt to please society or someone other than yourself. Next, accept that you don’t want it and let go by focussing on the things you dó really want.

We chat a bit more about the scenes that he’s writing. “They might end up being a novel. They might not. There’s no time pressure, I just write when I feel like it.” That totally resonates with me. It’s exactly how I go about my writing too. I enjoy the process. That’s my primary goal right now. The secondary achievement will follow. The most important thing is to keep loving what I do.

After I leave the store I go to the river and think about some of the things he said. How he talked about the woman and being envious of the way she approaches learning new things. “She has dabbled in many different things and seems to be good at everything she does, making it a success.” I hear him say and wonder; Is a person good at something because they love it, or do they love it because they are good at it? My conclusion is that they go hand in hand and build upon one another. The first step is to try, and to let go of the fear of failing. Going for what you love beats fear…when you’re brave enough : )

Another thing that Randy said, got me thinking. He mentioned that he believes he’s not a writer. “Only when you wake up and all you want to do is write, that’s when you can call yourself a writer.” he said. I don’t agree. I think you can be anything you want to be. It doesn’t have to be one thing or the other, it can be and/and. I feel that putting labels on oneself limits the options and closes a person off to many wonderful possibilities. If you’re too afraid to dream of a certain life, because it seems so far out of your reach, then that is how it’ll be. The reverse is also true. If you believe you can do anything, you’ll figure out a way within your capacity, and it’ll happen. Other people might feel the need to label you or whatever it is that you do, and that’s fine. That is their problem they are mirroring, not yours. As long as you’re happy and are doing the things you love. Whether it is drawing, practicing a sport, playing a musical instrument, it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just has to feel like fun.

So I ask you: Should we all be like Randy and wait for our retirement to do what we love? Is it only then that we can find our peace of mind to settle into what we really want from life? Is it that only then we feel like we deserve to live that way because we’ve been working hard all our life? I say live it now. Today! Retirement may never come….

Het bericht About doing what you love verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.

Mahatma Gandhi

Het bericht verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.

Her high pitched scream a few minutes ago had been so penetrating, that it had raised every hair on his body. It had made him halt on the spot. Before he knew it she had run into him, still screaming her lungs out. He had grabbed her by the shoulders, in an attempt to calm her down and tell him what on earth her problem was. She kept on glancing over her shoulder, panicked. Her face cringed with fear, eyes wide, still screaming.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” he now said loudly in her face, while shaking her. She looked up at him, too stunned to respond, but at least it made her stop yelling. “Are you in danger?” the man in the crispy grey suit asked. She was breathing hard, couldn’t get out any words. Slowly, she raised a shivering finger and pointed. They both turned sideways and looked into the dark alley. He couldn’t see a thing. She crumbled in his arms and started sobbing. He sat her down on the curb of the pavement and cautiously walked into the darkness.

Excerpt of ‘Woven’. The book I wrote.

Het bericht verscheen eerst op Truly Feel Good.