As I sit on the plane that just took off, I look out the window and say goodbye to Schiphol. We fly a bit higher. “Goodbye Amsterdam”, and a bit higher “ See you when I see you again Dutchland.” Not knowing when I will return feels quite liberating. There are no rules. I make up the rules, and I say there are none…
The entire plane is enveloped in a thick mist, created by the cloud we just flew through. The thought of not knowing when I’ll be back is exhilarating and a rush of excitement flows through my body. All of a sudden this bright light warms up my face. Hello sun : )
Yulia, The Russian flight attendant arrives with my lunch just as I write “Have fun Mo experiencing it all” in my little booklet of gratitude. Great timing Miss Yulia! As I go through the in-flight magazine (which is all written in Russian) I notice that the way the words are put on paper, makes them look as if they’re written in reverse and I can’t help but wonder if that is what this trip is going to be like. In reverse, but forward.
On paper this makes no sense, I realize that, but to me it makes perfect sense. Thinking back to the moment years ago, where I said ‘Stop!’. The recovery period following that day, felt as if I was going backwards, knowing that it was a necessary feeling and all part of the process. After a few ‘stable’ years, I could tell that I was putting my life on hold. Then finally last year, after I came back from Boston and New York, I took huge leaps forward. Taking charge again and changing things up entirely.
Now that this unease has subsided and I have sort of sunk into my current state of mind, I feel like the reverse bit is going back to my youthful self and the forward part is to continue this feeling of calmness and the utter sense of freedom. Paying it forward as I go along.
How cool is it to go forward in reverse….that sense of control (as it’s your choice to drive in that direction) but at the same time the adrenaline of not knowing, going with the flow and stepping out of your comfort zone.
Three months ago, till today, I wrote the above. Taking off on my next adventure. Exploring the world, further exploring myself. What a ride it has been. Every day I feel so blessed and glad that I took this step and followed what felt right to me. I don’t know how long this feeling is going to last, but right now I’m living the life that I want to live and will continue to do so.
Traveling allows me to start with a clean slate every single time I move on to a next location, taking with me the lessons that I’ve learned and trying to put them into practice with the new group of people I meet. To me that’s a gift, and I’m going to enjoy this present I gave myself for quite a while. “How long for?” People ask me frequently. “I don’t know”. “Where will you be going to next?”… I don’t know. I go wherever the wind blows and whatever feels good.
Looking up, sitting in this relaxed cafe overviewing a white sandy beach hugging the turquoise water of the Gulf of Thailand, with a clear blue sky, I think to myself boy, do I love my life! I hope you love it as much as I do and never forget that there’s a clean slate for everyone, whenever you want it. Whether it’s in your hometown, in your current job, with your current relationships. It’s all a matter of mindset and no one else controls that but you!