About being kittynapped

I think my cat is cheating on me again! Last night he came home a little after midnight and lingered around a bit before coming to bed. When he finally did (after I had to ask him twice!!) he smelled like fish. I didn’t give him any fish!!! And all of a sudden those uncertain feelings came rushing back from about a year ago…

October! It had been wet and rainy and I had not seen my cat a couple of nights, before he disappeared entirely. His name is Fuzz, which is short for Mr. Fuzzyboots. I suspected he was having an affair ‘cause he didn’t wanna cuddle anymore and he constantly gave me these nasty looks, but I thought we could still fix things! At first, I expected him to just walk in the door, being done with his affair, and continue eating at home like nothing had happened….but he didn’t!

Of course I had thought about where he would be getting his meals now, and I knew my upstairs neighbor’s cat had been getting her’s at Mr. ‘Freakishly quiet nasty cigar smoker’s house’. So I decided to casually check there first. I couldn’t see past the hallway, but I made sure I said Fuzz’s name clearly…He might desperately be trying to get back to me..Say Meow Fuzz, Say Meow! But No, no Fuzz….Next, I asked all the other neighbors. Nobody had seen him. Time to put up some posters!

Shortly after, the entire block was covered with Fuzzy’s cute face on doors and lampposts. Another week passed and then…Unknown caller. Yes! It was the vet!! Fuzz had been brought there because of his pregnancy…..His what? He’s a ‘he’. Plus he’s castrated… She explained that this ‘really sweet’ guy had kept him indoors for three weeks straight and had only fed him meat! Seriously? Who does that??!! She was reluctant to give me his phone number, but she would give it to me as long as I promised not to get mad at the guy. I was freaking pissed…but I was more relieved that Fuzz was back, so I took a deep breath and told her I wouldn’t get mad.

Immediately after, I called him, but he didn’t pick up. Finally, I got a text message! Mr. Kittynapper: “ My name is Souf and I’ve taken really good care of your cat. He does not want to leave me. I was at your door, but you were not there”. He added a picture of Fuzz lying in an abundance of toys.  He never plays with toys! I told him that I was very happy that Fuzz was still alive and that I had been very worried.

“I understand that you were worried, but I kept him inside because his belly kept getting fatter!”. Waaaahhh. You’d be freaking fat too if I would only feed you meat and keep you contained in a small space for three weeks in a row! “I call him Smoesh by the way” he continued “Funny thing is, he responds to it too” and he added a picture of a cut out carton box with the name ‘Smoesh’ written on it.

“Yeah, I believe you! Everyone that feeds him meat is his best friend.” I managed to reply. Mr. ‘ Dumbass kittynapper’: “Didn’t you find it odd that prior to those weeks he’d be gone a couple of nights too? Are you kidding me????!!!! Seemed like this guy was gonna put up a fight in order to keep Smoesh. Correction- Fuzz!!

When I came home from work, there was a note on my doormat. My heart skipped a beat and I thought it was a kitty ransom note saying I could only get Fuzz back if I would pay up in a suitcase full of stacked kitty meats…only in large containers! It said once again that Smoesh did not want to leave his side. Thankfully, that night Mr. ‘Crazy kittynapper’ was at the meeting point and handed over Fuzz, just as we agreed….

At the risk of him leaving me again for someone with yummier food, I put him on a severe diet and he now no longer looks like Garfield! So yeah call me Ms. ‘Paranoid’ but after that whole ordeal, and him smelling like fish last night…it made me suspicious! But feeling him breathe on my neck so contently all snuggled up against my chest, I thought to myself Naaahh, he still loves me! Two seconds after that thought, Fuzz got up, turned his tiny cat ass towards my face and moved to the end of the bed. Fine!! Be that way!! I guess cats will be cats ; )


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